When have you cried from happiness?
Jennifer
There have been two moments of happiness in the last several years where I was overcome with joy and tears.... one was getting accepted into graduate school... after years of my youth when people told me that I wouldn't amount to much and I kept my eyes focused on getting to where I knew I needed to be.
The other time was in the past few weeks when I left a long term job as a counselor and I had clients contact me to let me know how I had touched their lives. It was touching and moving because each of those people had touched my life and had shared incredible gifts with me as we walked together on their grief path. To use an odd metaphor, it was going to my own funeral... to see how I had touched people's lives and to know that even though I was a "professional", we had made genuine encounters and connections. If that isn't why I came to this earth, than I don't know why.
Jen
Access: Public
happiness
June 2008
What a gift for you to receive. You were doing what many of us here hope to do… touch the lives of other people. I know I have done this in a small way and, like you, I'm leaving one career to pursue another. But, I'm curious, what is your motivation to leave a career in which you know you were touching lives? (… if that's not too personal to ask)
Well, I really took a respite from the career and left the agency I worked for. I intend to look for the same work elsewhere and to grow my own company.
Right now I live in the midwest and although it is lovely here, I don't feel like the land is a part of me, or vice versa. I'm a New England girl and miss the shore. I miss the people who mean a lot to me, the family that I've created over the years, the people and places I long to be with.
So, right now, my graduate work keeps me “studying” and doing research in grief and end of life care and now my task is to find a new place to do the work that I love, finding new mentors to help me grow even more than the lovely women at the hospice I had been working for.
There is no doubt that I am passionate about helping people understand other people's grief, walking with those who are grieving, and holding space for people when they can't see the next foot step in front of them because of the fog. And of course, learning, practicing, and teaching more about mindfulness and living more consciously is a daily lesson and expedition for me as well as those I am around.
Thank you for asking such a great question Karl. Yesterday while meditating, I was thinking about where I saw myself, how I feel when I do what I do and what and where would allow me to do what I do. Your post affirms what I came up with at the end of my meditation and my walking time.
Thank you for being a mirror.
Peace, Jen
Thanks, Jennifer, like you, I do find that questions people ask me are helpful in clarifying my mission… or at least help me explore my intentions. I don't technically meditate, but I do “contemplate” in peace. It works for me.
I'm so glad I stumbled upon you and your “career”. As I redefine myself, I want to explore working with people and end-of-life issues. I have avoided it because I'm afraid I would be an emotional wreck at the end of each day. But, perhaps, I may be able to stretch and incorporate new coping mechanisms. We'll see.
BTW: I read Andrew Hollaran's “Grief” this past winter. If you haven't discovered it, yet, its a nice, quick read and has a slightly different glance at grief. Since I have avoided anything remotely grief-like for most of my life, it was a good first step for me….
And, fiinally, I loved my time attending school in New England. Since those days, I have considered Western MA my spiritual home. Perhaps one day I will end up there….
Regards,
Karl
Yes, my family has been in NE since the Revoluntionary War…. the soil and the sound are part of my DNA.
One thing I can share here, that I did not in my email to you is this… as you move into your new journey, one thing I forgot to do along the way was to remind myself each day of the one miracle, the one spark of mystery/divine that occurred…. that combats stress of management's poor decisions, long hours, having a lot of people die at once, or having someone you are working with “take a turn for the worse” – spiritually, psychologically, etc.
I got tired doing school, working, taking care of my folks… trying to be everything to everyone, trying to launch a career, a business, etc and I forgot to embrace the miracles that were all around me unless they really glowed. Don't wait until they glow…
One thing I would suggest to you, and I don't know if they still sell them or not… Zen Hospice had 3 training cassettes by their original founder. I think instead of looking at stretching coping skills, it's more about stretching our heart skills, allowing ourselves to open to the pain, the beauty, the humanity, and not armoring ourselves. I think that's when we get into trouble. I started to really armor after a back injury that took place right after I started my PhD work…. Instead of just armoring my body, I armored my heart and my soul … nothing comes in or out when we armor….
Wherever you find yourself, those you serve will be honored to have such a companion to walk with. Oh… one more thing, not sure if you can find it online… Alan Wolfelt is the one with the theory of companioning, he uses it about his work with grieving kids but it is just as applicable to everything we do as healers.. if you can find it, take it to heart. If you can't, I may have a copy somewhere on a flash drive… but most importantly, take the approach that you are not the expert, they (whom ever is in front of us), is here to teach us about their world… I think that is the biggest failure or lack of evolution in psychology, psychiatry, and medicine today.
Okay, back to the books.
Glad that we connected.
Peace, Jen